Lesbian Blogs > Erdogan's blogs > A newbie, looking for friends
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MarCruz
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Posted on Sun, Jan 03, 2010 14:12

what your feeling is very normal but the time will come and let yourself be free, i guess is been very easy for me my family always have exepted me have alot of straight friends more then gay you would be surprise how exepting people could beand being butch is not and esy task i would agree is more easier for a fem to come out,,, but at the end of the day you have to be who u need to be in order to ba happy i wish you well and a very happy new year...Mar


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erdogan
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Posted on Thu, Dec 24, 2009 04:29

Oh my I hope I don’t wait till I'm 35. Feels as if I will miss a lot if I don’t come to terms with my sexuality. Despite not being ready for coming out to family. One thing for sure (as you have stated) : it is easier to talk about everything that has been eating me on this blog. Being understood and supported by people who shared a similar past is huge morale boost!! Makes me feel better and normal. I'd love to talk to you and share , vice versa , however excuse my level of English since I'm a foreigner :) Sometimes it is easier to talk about whats going on inside your head to someone who lives far away..


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erdogan
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Posted on Thu, Dec 24, 2009 04:14

@JaiiVegas Good point, thank you for reminding me; "You do it in your time and space" fact. Yes, I must do it in my time and my space, when I'm ready for it. Thanks :)


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JaiiVegas
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Posted on Wed, Dec 23, 2009 11:35

I know what you mean. It took time for me to come out.. You do it in your time and space. Its not about being fake... YOU need to be ready. The world can wait.


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Texas_Born_Cutie
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Posted on Tue, Dec 22, 2009 11:10

I didn't cone to terms with what I felt until I was 35. At that point I had to decide what was most important and base my decision to come out of the closet or stay in. Eventually I realized I would be wast my life pretending to be anything but my true self. It also would have been hell feeling like I was living a lie. However, I knew someone who didn't feel they could come out either, and they needed friends who could support them in that. It saddens me to hear that your life is cloaked in secrecy, but I also know that until you decide differently, I would be glad to support you in any way I can. I don't know if this helps, but feel free to contact me anytime. Sometimes it is easier to talk about whats going on inside your head to someone who lives far away..who knows? Happy Holidays!


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eliselisaece1977
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Posted on Wed, Dec 16, 2009 05:31

hi ý am from izmir and ý am originally from australia ý am turkish back ground and ý agree to what you say if you see posible to meet one day just drop me line take care...


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erdogan
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Posted on Mon, Dec 14, 2009 00:52

@AliceNwondRland How do I feel about my friend? My heart is certain of my love to her. I'cant just push my feelings aside and be logical about it. I know it takes time to accept and move on. However a part of me, my heart still is with her. I'cant stop loving her, I never will. She was my person, she was the one I called home. (this is my heart speaking!) My mind on the other hand knows that I need to move on and let it be. Telling her, hinting her about my feelings for her does look like a mistake accourding to her actions; she doesnt speak to me as she use to, never calls, she shut me out. Maybe it's denial, or maybe she is hates me who knows. But at the end; it is killing me to see her sad and in pain for anything I do. Therefor I stay away. Make sure she knows I'll be there for her as a friend when she needs me.


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AliceNwondRland
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Posted on Sun, Dec 13, 2009 14:52

so how did you deal with it? Did you feel bad that you told your friend? My friend did the exact same thing, except I was the one she told. I still talk to her and sometimes I think about her but she is only into girls and I've always had boyfriends but now I've realized that I think about her more often. How did you feel for your friend?


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erdogan
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Posted on Fri, Dec 11, 2009 06:00

bestfriends2000 had doubts, maybe those doubts were only what my environment (family, friends, culture etc.) forced into me. Just like you I remember liking my highschool friend, back then I had no idea that it was lesbian feelings afterall it was only at a "like" level. Yes back then I had interest in men too, I still like men but being with one, is just not right. It doesnt feel right. As if I'm meant for something more, being with a men limits me down, narrows my feelings.. I feel so trapped. On the other hand I dont have the slightest idea on having a relationship with a woman, lol yes I'll be shy about it for sure. I feel how hard it is to pretend, and walk around with a mask, which isnt you at all.


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bestfriends2000
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Posted on Sun, Dec 06, 2009 15:29

I'm gay, no doubt about it really. I know that I want to end up with a woman... I never really dated in high school and I just thought it was because I'm EXTREMELY SHY. But, I fell in love with a childhood friend of mine and I didn't realize it until years later and I thought back to what I felt for her. It's funny how attraction is thought of differently when you're younger, lesbianism never crossed my mind. But I just don't feel right with guys. Never have. I can't ever come out to my family because they won't understand but If I ever found the person I'm going to be with for the rest of my life, I wouldn't hesitate to open up about who I am. There'd be that certainty at least...It never came a surprise to me, mostly because I feel like I'm pretending all of the time. That's the uncomfortable part about not telling people you're lesbian, I feel fake. I have to pretend so often, sometimes I wonder if it's worth it.


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erdogan
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Posted on Tue, Dec 01, 2009 03:28

@bethcreed lol yes you make it sound all normal, if only you were around. If only I had examples around me, people who been where I was. Guess I had this gay feeling with me ever since I was a kid, after all I was into cars more then barbies (played with them both) video games and boyish stuff, honestly boys as kids had all the fun while girls sat and played with barbies, COME ON where is the fun in that? At one side along with boys you get to explore action, fight, adrenaline, adventures etc. This is appealing and ever since I was a kid boys were my best friends. That all changed after university lol when I started dating them. After a while, this whole dating thing seemed absurd and incomplete. Something was wrong for sure! Pretending to be normal, lol what is normal? what are the norms for it? And yes when I'm with men it is all ok, but if there is a woman which fits my taste then ok I'm totally gay I suppose. And I'cant help that LGBT scene!! It's scaring the life out of me. I decided to take a little step forward by explaining myself hmm more like opening up to 2 people who gave me conformable space and setting.. it was a relief. Thank you Mrs Guidance, I feel home with your experiences and thoughts, really appreciated. hugs


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erdogan
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Posted on Tue, Dec 01, 2009 03:16

@ Welcome @passionatekissme Like you, maybe I should have stopped when I had the chance! Silly and foolish of me. Messed up my friendship, left in agony with a hole punched right through my chest. Falling in love with a friend is definatly the worse thing ever! Looking for someone else to ease the pain, to forget and move on; doesnt seem like right solution for me at first, I mean why use someone else to erase the past. However it wasnt like that at all. It was a step forward, for something better and right.


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erdogan
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Posted on Tue, Dec 01, 2009 03:10

@urickh 2012; maybe it is true, (accourding to Mayan calander)and yes you have a point. I'm not happy now that is for sure, however what are the possibilites that I'll be later on? As fas as things go, my cousin who knows about me can accept me for who I'am and amen to her she is supporting the real me all the way. But not sure about my family; mum and little brother. They depend on me, and I'm the leader figure since dad was a total mess at it (whole different story there). 2 people I care about most, dont think they can handle knowing this part of me, not yet. So as well as being responsible for my own happiness, I'm also responsible for my brother and mother (might sound strange I know, its all about turkish traditions and culture :))) thank you for the reminder a bit wise one :) it means a lot


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uricka
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Posted on Sun, Nov 29, 2009 00:49

i'm older and wiser (maybe a bit). i was never happy when living in the closest. 10 years ago i started living like i am dying. who cares what people say. we are responsible for our own happiness. just something for you to think about.....what if december 2012 is true?, what are you going to do and how are you going to live your 3 remaining years? good luck miss.


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Passionatekissme
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Posted on Sat, Nov 28, 2009 20:20

I totally understand you. I have a friend and we met online knowing each others interests and we developed a good friendship but I kind like her too but I don't want to mess up the friendship even though she is a lesbian. I am trying to look for someone else and get rid of thesse feelings before they get any deeper. I am very new to all this too.


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bethcreed
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Posted on Sat, Nov 28, 2009 16:28

What you're feeling is totally normal. I've been gay my whole adult life. With the exception of an exploratoty flirtation with men in my early 20's I've been with women and have no doubt about my sexuality. The point you need to take away though is that I am feminine (but not a femme), I act 'normal' (although there is another discussion abot what is 'normal') an i get along with men just fine. Hey, I've even produced one and a fine man he has turn into! But if you walk into a room and only see the women, then you are gay. Is that how you see the world? If so then you don't have to worry about 'being gay', you just are. Stop worrying about what people think of you or the LGBT scene. Just live! Its your body and your heart. who you share it with is no one elses business. Now as for the falling in love with best friends, it happens. Her reaction was probably due to more surprise about your sexuality. If she had known you were gay to start with she probably wouldn't have bolted. If you tell women you meet that you are lesbian or bi or omni (whatever) up front then you'll be surprised how many a) respect that and b) either respond to you or become a conduit to other meetings. I'm all guidanced out. Cyber hug x


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flovedpassion
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Posted on Sat, Nov 28, 2009 10:21

hey. i once had feelings for a friend of mine. we were drunk one day and made out. things were never e same again. totally know how you feel:)


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