OK, lots of you have asked how its going. I just want to be on the other side...divorced. Its on hold while I look for a job. I am anxious to get on with things, but I get the reality of the money part. Its scary to not have the safety net of his income....but thenI'd be selling my soul for room and board.
I am getting tired of sleeping the on sofa. ( I moved out of the bedroom) I know I will find a job and this will all be a distant memory.
My gf and I are back together:). I am happy, I missed her. Just holding her was wonderful. I like nuzzling and snuggling while we talk. It is part of the irresistible intimacy that we share. I'm skipping today!
I had my wedding ring cut off. I am embarrassed to say that I had to get it cut off because it would not come off. I couldn't stand looking at it anymore. As much as I wanted it off, it was a shock for me to look at my bare finger after all these years. He has not said a thing...probably hasn't noticed. I thought my daughter would notice...nope.
I refuse to wear the mantle of shame. I refuse to apologize for walking away from an unworkable situation. I just want to move on with my life. The divorce is on pause for $ reasons. I need to find a job. Sent in an app today. Please, please, please let me find a job.
I deserve to have a life. I deserve to be happy and loved by someone that wants me.
I hate the silence that is created when you have a break up. You got used to the texting and calls and of course going out and then nothing. Its done, really done. I keep checking my phone and email which is crazy because I blocked her....its just habit. Its for the best, it really is. I can't keep going back to her. I don't want to have my thoughts filled with the bad parts. I just want to remember the good times. What do I do with her birthday gift? Wondering if I should send it, but it will run the risk of waking things up AGAIN.
I need to keep busy and move on with my life. Its not like I don't have tons to do. I need to fill the space I'd made for her with other things.
No romance for a long while. I just want friends.
Ok I "thought" my former gf and I were doing well as friends but chemistry began to get the best of us and we um...well you know. So despite all reason(cause there is no reason in a situation like that) we talked about getting back together. I was giddy because she is pretty intoxicating for me. Then I told her I had coffee with someone, a lesbian woman and she lost it. The _hit hit the fan. We broke things off for what must be the 4th time.
I was not tring to do anything but meet other women walking this path to learn, to hear their experiences. I am new to all of this and I have a lot to sort out. She knows all of this. I make it clear to women I meet that I am not looking for a romantic relationship, only friends but she could not deal with it.
I can't take this drama ANY more. I had to block her from my phone and email and I hope I won't hv to go into the witness protection program over this. I don't understand why she does not want me to know any other lesbian/bi women. It seems unreasonable to be so jealous and it brought a lot of red flags to my conciousness as the effects of physical contact began to wear off. Intimacy is so powerful ladies, not to be taken lightly. I cannot think straight in an intimate situation. Did I mention she was my first?
So I feel sad today.
Ok I dated men all my dating life and have been married for 20yrs(getting a divorce). I was always attracted to women but never acted on it. To be honest I figured how could it be satisfying intimately speaking. (OK I laugh at that now, cause i know from experience how wrong I was on that one..Lol).
I notice there are lots of women like me, who have led hetero lives, married, had kids and now switch teams. am divorcing because of this desire..no. I just feel free to explore it now. I wonder how my straight friend will react and if I will feel isolated? It seems like most everyone in my world is married to a man. I guess anyone that is really turned off by it was not the kind of person I'd want as a friend anyway. Just seems odd to me to suddenly feel so aware of my sexual preference when it was never in the forfront of my mind before when meeting people or making friends.
I have joined a les/bi group in my area and once the divorce is done will branch out more to meet people. I wonder how the transition has been for those of you like me(who live a hetero lifestyle before) in terms of your social relationships.
My former gf and I seem to have made the transition from a couple to friends. I would not have thought it was possible but it is working. we enjoy each other's company, we laugh and like many of the same things but it ends there now. No more romance or intimacy....we did not work down that road. I consider myself lucky, she's a cool friend.
I wish I could find some bi and lesbian women in my area to be friends with. I want to learn more about being attracted to women, about the culture. Am I lesbian or Bi? I think of myself as bi since I have had a lifetime of relationships with men....I'm just done with men. I can't imagine dating or touching a man ever again.
Saying you are bi seems to make some women nervous, I feel pressure to say lesbian. I had a woman tell me I was "choosing" to be with women so I was somehow less than lesbian....? All I know is once you have been with a woman there is no going back to men.
Do all les/bi relationships burn hot in the beginning and then fizzle out? I have not met many women in long term relationships. I feel sad at the thought of being alone when I am old and gray. I guess its the risk I take. 20yrs with a husband turned out to be no guarantee. The end of that can't come too soon.