It has taken 65 years to finally realize that I want to live as a lesbian both mentally and physically. I want to allow myself to accept that I have always been a lesbian. I knew that but denied it. I didn't want to embarass family and friends by having a girlfriend. I want to know when I look in that mirror that a lesbian is looking back at me. The same girl who always wanted women passionately....that's still her in the mirror today.

I was in love with my best friend in high school but only made love to her once. She didn't like it. She didn't want to ever do anything like that again. So I loved her privately and went back to a platonic relationship. But I ached to kiss her and hold her in my arms again. We had our only lovemaking when I was 14 and she was 12. I started making out with her in my room and it went from sweet kisses and touching to hot. It was her first orgasm and she was frightened by the sensation. I just wanted to hold her and tell her I loved her. We only had one deep loving kiss and I've never forgotten it. I don't think she even remembers. I'll always remember.

Now, after all these years in the closet to myself as much as to others, I just want to have a woman who will hold me at night and kiss me with passion. I want that love I've always looked for in the wrong place. I was always lesbian and tried to tell myself I wasn't. I said I was probably just bi. No I wasn't. Men never gave me an orgasm. Not once. I made love to 3 other women in the last 10 years and I had an orgasm with all of them, great orgasms. I look at women and find my eyes wandering over their bodies. I flirt a little with cute girls. I just wait for the one who will flirt back.

It's a good feeling to finally know in my heart that I'm lesbian.