Lesbian Blogs > Sirkowskii's blogs > When You Know It's Over
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Sirkowskii
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Posted on Fri, Feb 08, 2013 23:05

You know when it's over when you contemplate taking your own life, feeling like you've been beaten down to almost nothing but to the very core of yourself. A child quivering in a corner, begging for help from the one person they thought would understand them, seeing nothing aside from a face forged in anger and hate. Crying out all you want is attention, that you are pathetic and everything horrible. You feel like everything has been based on a lie for the past two years, like you've been used and milked for all your worth. You are the one who needs to 'grow up' when in reality, you're the least selfish person in the world and care for nothing but your partners happiness. You let them have power over you, letting them belittle your feelings and showing you how you can be controlled so easily. Sometimes you're lucky to have something like this, that it's what you deserve. Being someones toy to use, it's a horrible feeling but yet you feel that it's what your purpose is. To be theirs and only theirs, to serve them, to never question them and to bottle things up till you can't take it anymore.

You let loose everything, hoping someone will hear how loud you cry. Maybe someone is there to save you from the darkness. But no, only one person is there, calling you pathetic and childish.

They are the only person who you trust, who you thought cared and loved you but all they caused you is the emotional and mental scars that will stay with you for life.

Friends and family come to your aid in their steed, telling you it's time to let them go. That you no longer need them in your life and you deserve better. Finally for once you decide to listen. Feeling with a heavy heart in tow, you let go, feeling the weight relieved from you. Feeling free and ready to move on.

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This blog is about how I feel in my mind about my current relationship which I will be ending soon. I've been emotionally and mentally abused in more ways than one. I felt like this should be shared, no one deserves to want to hurt themselves over someone.

Do not let yourself get into a relationship like this, I beg of all of you.



Life brings twists and turns all over.

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everitt
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total posts: 1
Posted on Mon, May 27, 2013 06:21

I feel exactly the same.. i have been in a dead end relationship for about 2yrs and every day with her i feel as tho i am walking on eggshells.. i wake up in the morning wondering whether or not she will be in a good mood, tho it is a rare occurance, i spend each day hoping she will be the kind loving woman i fell in love with but that is not the case. we live together which is so difficult at times as i find it hard to hold in my emotions and not scream and shout about all the things i have bottled up inside of me, my friends and family say i deserve better and i should just let go but i cant, i have never loved anyone the way i love her and it kills me inside to think she doesnt feel the same way, my head and heart are in a constant argument with each other over what i want and/or need.. i want love, i need love, i dont have love.. my needs and desires have not been fulfilled for a long time now. i have tried everything i can think of to make the relationship work but as they say it takes 2 to tango.. i can no longer dance on my own.. i need to release the cause of all this pain.. in the past i have self-harmed because of the way i feel but i no longer want to resort to that as it is only a temporary fix and ultimately results in more fughts and arguments with her as she says im being ridiculous or childish which in turn makes my mental state alot worse.. please help me to find a way to get out of this prison.. 



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Sirkowskii
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total posts: 2
Posted on Tue, Feb 26, 2013 22:30

Thanks you two. It's very hard for me right now after this relationship I was just in but I know I can do it. I know that I can be strong and move on and keep going.



Life brings twists and turns all over.

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nooone
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total posts: 36
Posted on Tue, Feb 19, 2013 06:17

Honey we have been living in the very sameworld,I too feel almost to the point of death but noone would care or even knowI was gone.Crying for hours for the one who is breaking your heart and you just don't want to wake up. I wasnt unfathful or hit or beat hershe is the only woman I ever loved and letting go means letting go of me also and really I am a empty shell hoping someone might see the good in me and in you sister, your not alone i will stand by your side and hold u up when u cant stand and hope you might do the same for me. In Centerville TN home of minnie pearl where no stores dining is nothing but McDs can't eat that.  You may call me D.Kelley the only one in phone book,I don't want you feeling all alone.  I will stand with you.



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