I'm at the age where I am coming to grips with my attraction to women. Something I have tucked away for years. I have been married for 16 years to my husband. Why do I stay ....because it is what is expected. My husband has never 'done' it for me. But, because of society rules I stay. I'm so torn with my attraction to females. I guess I'm saying I'm lost and need some direction. I thought often of trying to have an affair with a girl. But, I don't want my husband to know. Hell.....maybe I should just stick it out "till death do us part"
I think this is the first place that showed an acceptance of where I am right now. Married for 15 years, and I love him. So confused because I am not free to "fly" professionally when I need to--I am not talking about only sex, but the freedom to think. I have been bisexual since I was twelve years old, but have never been with a woman. I feel guilty about thinking about leaving.
Thank you so much for writing! I'm going through something similar. And this is really making things difficult being on site here. I've been in a long-term relationship with my high school sweetheart. We've been together for about 10 years, and he's been a really great influence on me. He has also been one of the only people in my family that has supported me expressing my attraction to women, and wanting to go on dates. That being said, our relationship is currently not as romantic as it used to be, and while we still want to stay together in some senses, I'm feeling like I want to add more love to my life. More relationships. I've been attracted to women for along time, but for much of that time I really didn't understand what was happening to me, or what to do about it. There are sometimes that I feel like I was the last person to know that I was bisexual.
So I'm having difficulty describing what my relationship is with my high school sweetheart. We are still connected, but he's telling me that I should feel free to experiment. To have other relationships, and that's what I want, but I don't want women feeling like they can't trust me or something because of the way that things are for me right now.
Girls, I'm so glad I'm not alone as I am, we have the same needs... I am in relationship with my boyfriend over 7 years and I startet to get a stronger feeling to females 3 years ago. the problem is - I think my boyfriend was too good for me all these years and I found difficult to leave him. We have been talking about this so many times, and he says will not be happy without me, I'm going to destroy his life and then I say to him, if he will be happy (if i will stay for him), I wouldn't be happy but if I will be happy (leave him), he wouldn't be... That's so difficult, one of us must sacrifice for our relationships. and I just cant handle this anymore, I am such a mess, I'm in deep depression and want to cry during the day, he knows why I'm not happy.. I never thought in my life I will be in such a situation, all my family, they have a childs and how they can react at me, my choise.
No one man could live with me as my boyfriend does, I mean that we have very big trouble with sex, we do that only once or twice per month, sometimes it takes longer, the problem is me. when we make love, I try to imagine a women with me or close to me and it helps for me a lot...
I don't know what actions should I take, how to convince my boyfriend that the life is too short to spent it unhappily, every one wants to be happy.. and until I'm with him it seems the dark clouds are over me and they chasing.
I'm glad I read this....me being 24 and a year out...I have always been pushed back in the closet by my religion and family having. So I've been been torn....So many times, over and over again I've thought to just give up on my fight and date the greatest guy I meet, but then I always thought that it'd never be the same; never the passion, the heat, and the true love I have once experienced.....So thank you ladies for the help....I guess my fight continues to be proud of who I am.
Well, personally- I believe in the Lord. And I believe the Lords greatest gift is love. Even if you don't believe in the Lord, Life's greatest gift (after life itself) is LOVE. And it shouldn't be used improperly. Love the people you are supposed to Love and don't settle with unhappiness! :) Good luck!
I was where you are just a short time ago..I was (well still am legally) married to a man for the last 6 years, been together for the last 10. I have always known I was attracted to women, but until recently identified with being bisexual. Over the last few years, this other part of me began to grow bigger and bigger, I began to notice that I never noticed men, always women, fantasies were always about women..I became very involved in gay rights. Our marriage was falling apart for a number of reasons, none of which were related to my orientation. It took two years for me to leave the marriage and it was then that I realized who I really was...and once I did, for the first time in decades I could look down the road I called my life and be optimistic. I could envision happiness for the first time in a long time. It was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders..
Is this what you should do..no one can answer that but you. but this has been my experience.
i was the same way was and still am married for 8 yrs but i came to the fact that i would never be happy till i was the true me so do what you feel will make you happy for you not anyone else. This is your life and you have to live it your way good luck.
jaguarundi has some good ideas. All I want to add is that yes, you need to be true to yourself and your sexuality. In the end its you that has to put up with the decisions you made. However, you made commitments and promises in marrying him... if you have children together its even more complicated. I have four things to say:
1) Make sure its not just a whim that you're throwing your current life away for. Men are attracted to women all the time but don't necessarily leave their families over it.
2) Have you asked him if he would be ok with the idea of you and other women? this can be a very broad range of possibilities if he's up for it (a lot of guys are). Anything from a 3-way relationship to a relationship that is basically open for you to have flings w/ other women. If you ask your husband of 16 years if he is interested in having a threesome, I bet he'd jump at the chance! If nothing else, be honest with the man, and let him come to his own conclusions as you come to yours.
3) again, jaguar had good advice -- seek a real professional rather than the random people that read this thread. We don't know what we're talking about... if you're really confused or concerned, talk to someone who does!
4) Are you happy with your decision? That's the end-all, be-all resolution to this question in my opinion. Can you live with yourself in a loveless marriage for the rest of your life? Can you get over the heartache you caused the man that loved you?
Just wrote all that and noticed that it was posted almost a year ago lol... If you're still wondering, or anyone else in same situation reads this, I hope my post is helpful :-)
Any decision like this you have to balance the relief you would experience with the pain it would cause.
I have been there girl!! I was married for 7 years. I knew I was attracted to girls but deffinatly thought I could do with out that experience. Then something just changed in me, I WANTED TO LIVE MY LIFE. I want to expereince all those amazing and intense experiences the life an dsex have to offer. I am no longer in that marriage and the transition is hard yes. But I am so happy to be living more for myself, selfish as that is. and going after those things that I crave to experience and the people I really want to meet and surround myself with.
1. Ask around until you find a friend who has a Gay family member. Man or woman. Get to know them a bit then divulge how you feel and ask them for advice.
2. Look in your phonebook for the nearest Gay and Lesbian Center. They will have a list of psychologists who specialize in working with the Gay community. You could see one without your husband knowing why or what for.
3. If you're really brave - go to a lesbian bar and just talk with someone. Explain your situation and ask for advice.
I was in your situation for 11 years. Had two children too. I know how hard it is. Took a divorce for me to come out but I'm happier than I've ever been because I get to be myself all the time. Even though I'm currently single I would still rather be alone than go back to a loveless marriage always yearning for fullfillment from a woman. Be strong for yourself.