I had the misfortune of falling in love with a wonderful woman about 8 months ago, I knew from the beginning I was setting myself up for one hell of a heartbreak, but that didn't matter to my heart. It just took off running to her. The relationship started of with 2 strikes against me; strike 1-I was her supervisor, strike 2 she was married with 4 kids. Needless to say the relationship is over, I couldn't tell ya if it ended amicably or not, she called one night and said she loved me and wanted to see me, the next day when I tried to call she had her phone number changed. I've thought about going to her house to ask what the hell the problem was, but I don't want to put her into any jeopardy, I don't know her husbands disposition but I do know he threatened her with her kids and I would never want to put any woman in the position of fearing the loss of their kids. So I guess my feelings about love in the workplace are: DON'T DO IT!!
Sometimes you can't help it. I met my ex husband through work. We both changed jobs during our relationship and I ended up working for him. Then I bypassed him in accomplishments and he went to another place. This still did not aid or hurt our relationship.
then my most recent was with my first female. I am bisexual. I was drawn to this person and her partner. More her partner but that quickly faded. And no did not interfere with their relationship. That was already in trouble. Oddly the one I ended up with, I always was seeking her, wanting to be one of her friends. I didn't think beyond friendship. I was drawn to her but she really wasn't what I considered my "type". Little did I know she had been curious about me from our first joint trip. I even thought of being on the work sports team because she was going to be coaching, and it's not my favorite sport.
Things ended up racing away when she made contact with me. And then she boldly asked what I would think if she liked me. Long story short. Things just kind of steamrolled. I have never felt for someone like I felt for her. I tried to deny it and keep my distance but we kept getting drawn together. We broke up and she returned to her ex within a week. Work was hard. Add that when we were dating we rarely saw each other then when we broke up we seemed to be seeing each other all the time.
My hint is. If you go the workplace romance. Try to end it and behave like adults. Acting childish and petty. You don't want to have that added stress, and your co-workers should not be subjected to it. If it doesn't work, try to fight the pettishness.
In the end we have renewed our communication. But now it's more friends, it's a start and it makes everyone more comfortable to be around us. I had acted normal, she had acted standoffish and cold. People feel that. Now we are laughing and enjoying things again and people are not put between us. Wether or not things start up again. Who knows? I walked away with a lesson. I do not plan on making the same mistakes.
I know its kinda late to comment, but i have to let it out somehow.
Its wrong to fall for someone at your workplace but you can't stop it, i mean it took all over and she's giving me signs n all then she just ignore me, i thought maybe she's just being nice since we work together. but then she called me love and babe on 2 diff. msg's. she doesn't talk to any other girl this way. ( and this is unusual for us, as we both are arabs, so more often we use dear, sweets, or hun not love and babe.
The confusion is unbearable and thu i know its wrong i just can't stop myself from thinking abt how can i take it further.
Ps. ur gonna love this, i am not out at my work, but somehow she knew i am a lesbian and the best part is that i don't if she is ( i've heard that she's a bisexual, lesbian confused, but still u know). would really appreciate ur help guys ( anything rather than stop it right here :P )>
It is my number one rule for work - never date or fall for a workmate. K- if you do - get out of there or try to get some time out away from her.
To gain control of logic and healthy worklife balance.
Sometimes even just the normal week-end off will bring your feelings of emotion back to earth with a bump of relief for not getting involved.
Yes co workers are beautiful yes they are intelligent and amazing - but logic dictates it will end in tears.
Nobody fancies the idea of when and if it goes sour you will have to face them 24/7 and perhaps even leave a perfect job! Yikes its like having a divorce with that ex partner perminently there with you regardless of seperation.
Ok - even with the best case scenario when things work out - its like having too many eggs in one basket because if the business fails then the two of you are out of work at the same time - ouch! Like a time bomb becoming detrimental to the relationship the financial side will work against it.
Maybe that simple number one rule to never get involved with a co worker can save some heart ache for everyone.
What is love anyway??? Often times we say we are in love when we are really obsessed with the idea of love or the feeling we feel when we feel we love someone. Love = the feeling you feel you feel that you never felt before.
Our culture romanticizes love but hardly helps us to understand loving. Or true essential love, that does no harm to anyone. When you are feeling like you are "in love" yet you know that acting on that feeling can be harmful, then true love, divine love, tells you to back up and love from a distance.
The workplace is a funny place, so often we spend more time with our co-workers than with our own families. We struggle to maintain boundaries but all too often they fade like smoke. And then there is destiny. And sometimes destiny will steer us into the most Godforsaken situations because we have to learn valuable lessons about ourselves and about others. Lessons we would never have learned if we did not take that leap.
And after it's all said and done a good assessment of what we learned helps us for the next go round. So don't be angry, just open your heart and your spirit for understanding of why you did that and what you needed in doing it. Then find a way to give that to yourself so you won't have to face a next time. As I am sure you are devastated by the ordeal yet so much the wiser.
Is this really about love in the work place, or more about falling for someone who was clearly not available. I believe that she was married, and I guess living with her husband and children. That is, as you've found out a really no win position to be in. But the heart does not always think from a rational place.