lust versus love Share dating advice and safety tips Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Nov 15, 2009 at 03:48 AM

    When I was thirteen and before I had realized I was gay, I saw this girl at my brothers school. When I saw her everything else blurred and to me it felt like forever that I stood there looking at her but I know it was only (MAYBE) a minute. I started having dreams with her randomly in them.

    a year later I joined my brother at that school and saw the girl again. I could hardly bring myself to walk by her without almost walking into someone or something.

    Tthe year after that I met the girl. we talked, a little but it was something. I was infatuated with her.

    I'm 21 years old and have been in love with her for (AT LEAST) four years.

    Now my friends claim it is only lust, that as soon as I "get with her" I will no longer want her. But despite having multiple opportunities I never made a move (I respected her and she said she did not like me that way and then she had a bf then a gf and yea thats so complicated)

    But I feel that if it were Lust I would've made a move on her a long time ago. Does anyone know the difference?

    BTW I have no intentions of being with her or making a move because I don't feel that I can trust her to actually be there(LONG STORY), though my feelings are as strong, if not stronger, then they always were.
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  • View author's info Posted on Feb 13, 2010 at 10:33 PM

    OMG... In some ways your story sounds sooo familiar... I was 15 when I met her and it went on till I was 18 Long story... My point is that I know your position. My friends told me the same thing, and I like u, I respected her to the point it was a fault. In three years I never even tried to kiss her. Anyway, we never did hook up, I walked away but... it has been about 15 years since I have talk to or seen her but I still think about her and wonder how she is, I even pondered the "what if's" a few times lol... I questioned myself and my feeelings then but I now know with certainty I loved her with all my heart and soul as I think we almost all do our first. We are like children at that point, un-bias without the fears left behind by the pain of failed relationships.
    My opinion is you love her and she was a very important part of your life...
    1- She made you realize who you are ( your sexuality)
    2- She didn't leave you with pain or a scorned lover.
    3- She taught you how to love whole hearted ... so you lnow your not a sociopath lol
    If it were Lust you would have wanted more on a sexual level because that is what lust is, check websters lol. Instead you just describe deep emotional feelings toward her the kind that I would say requires genuine love to feel! She may not have been your "one" but now you know when you feel that strongly for another person again... go with it... attempt that first kiss ... If nothing else you got to experience feelings some ppl spend a lifetime hoping to feel... She will always have a special place in your heart... keep her there... but go out and find someone who can and will feel just as strongly toward you as you do them.
    My last piece of advice is that time really does make things seem clearer... One day u just might look back and "thank God for un-answered prayers :)
  • View author's info Posted on Feb 11, 2010 at 07:40 AM

    I think lust is where you're just wanting to hook up and not wanting anything more than a physical relationship and with love you're wanting to be with that person not just in a physical way but in an emotional way as well.
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