New in this forum and also in lesbian life Lesbian Troubles Forward to friends

  • View author's info Author Posted on Jan 27, 2013 at 04:00 PM

    Hi everybody,

    I am a girl in the early 20's. Wanting to read the perspective of others' eyes and maybe help me find advices that Im needing so bad. My life was very normal and conventional. I never gave any issues to my family and had since little a strong influence of obedience. However, it felt since the very beginning like something was missing. It had to do with my sexuality. I always wanted to be a boy and I felt attracted to women, but I never stopped to think about it for fear to my parents. I would carry this thoughts and feelings secretly in my interior. Was too shy and too scared for it to be revealed.

    I started having a relationship with my partner two years and a month ago via internet. Slowly and taking one step at a time in our long distance relationship we began to text, talk on the phone, do FaceTime, etc. Our relationship each day gets stronger and our love extends. We got to meet for first time three months ago and it was the most magical moment of my life. The big problems around us are as the horizon line of the seas. You cannot see its end, but we remain together and getting stronger. Which makes it worth it so much.

    I came out to my mother around six or seven months ago and it became in the hardest times I ever have lived. My mom hates the idea of me being lesbian, and is constantly making rude comments related to it. Which made it harder to come to her to talk about it. She hates my girlfriend. She doesn't want to try to give her a chance to know her. And says bad things about her without even talking to her. I completely understand how my mom feels, since the first day Ive been trying to extend my patience as much as i can. But none of my parents have tried to understand me.

    One of the main issues in my relationship is besides the distance, is that she is married. She ahd to get married to him because she got pregnant of him when she was 17. They had to get together not because of love but because of her kid. She is 32 now she is starting to arrange everything to leave him and be able to stay as close as possible to her two boys who are now 13 and 15. Honestly her kids dont bother me. She has involved me in her life in a way that only someone with interest in the other would do it. She dedicates most of her time to me and she has proven me she is working on this, to leave and move with me.

    I love my parents but I have been owned by their decisions all this time. And they dont want me to be lesbian, as if it was that simple. I just want to succeed in life, to have a family with someone I love and loves me. And recover their pride in me again, by showing them Im not a bad person just because Im lesbian. The life Im living in my house since I came out has been suffocating, my mom revises my correspondence, finds it wrong when I text my girlfriend, I cannot even talk with her in front of my mom. I feel totally restrained and like I could lose someone fantastic If I let them     decide this.

    Everything is perfect with my girlfriend, all the support that I have needed and wanted from my parents I got it on her. About that and about anything. I love her and I cannot see my future without her being part of my time. I cannot see myself growing up and facing life without being held by her. And is not that everything should depend of one person, this big step is also about being me and doing things on my own. Of falling and standing up stronger. But she is a big and important part of me that I dont want to lose for baseless reasons.

    My question is...Am I doing the wrong thing by going against my parents opinion? Am I going to fast with my partner
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  • View author's info Posted on Feb 21, 2013 at 02:44 PM

    I agrre with oneforcheri. U're not ac child and ur life is your own. You have to repect your parents but that doesn't mean you still have to live for them or even obey them. That's for children. Be strong in and hold on to who and what you are, regardless of what happens, what life throws you or how your plans are thwarted. I wish u all the best though and that you find the confidence and joy that is your right

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  • View author's info Posted on Feb 01, 2013 at 03:23 AM

    Well realize that you don't need your parents approval to live your life they you want to and that is being free to love and enjoy those who you appreciate the most including your girlfriend.  You probably need to stand up more and move out into your own apartment and continue to pursue the love that you have found.  Everybody deserves to live what happiness means to them, being free from the opinions of others is liberating.  Let's face the people we love the most sometimes don't accept and agree with everything we are doing, and that's okay.  Just as long as their opinions doesn't stop you from pursing your dreams and goals.
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