Lesbian Blogs > Loveurtouch's blogs > Beginning my life finally

Beginning my life finally

Members Only

It has taken 65 years to finally realize that I want to live as a lesbian both mentally and physically. I want to allow myself to accept that I have always been a lesbian. I knew that but denied it. I didn't want to embarass family and friends by having a girlfriend. I want to know when I look in that mirror that a lesbian is looking back at me. The same girl who always wanted women passionately....that's still her in the mirror today.


I was in love with my best friend in high school but only made love to her once. She didn't like it. She didn't want to ever do anything like that again. So I loved her privately and went back to a platonic relationship. But I ached to kiss her and hold her in my arms again. We had our only lovemaking when I was 14 and she was 12. I started making out with her in my room and it went from sweet kisses and touching to hot. It was her first orgasm and she was frightened by the sensation. I just wanted to hold her and tell her I loved her. We only had one deep loving kiss and I've never forgotten it. I don't think she even remembers. I'll always remember.


Now, after all these years in the closet to myself as much as to others, I just want to have a woman who will hold me at night and kiss me with passion. I want that love I've always looked for in the wrong place. I was always lesbian and tried to tell myself I wasn't. I said I was probably just bi. No I wasn't. Men never gave me an orgasm. Not once. I made love to 3 other women in the last 10 years and I had an orgasm with all of them, great orgasms. I look at women and find my eyes wandering over their bodies. I flirt a little with cute girls. I just wait for the one who will flirt back.


It's a good feeling to finally know in my heart that I'm lesbian.

Sort by:
newest post
  • oldest post
  • newest post
Members Only



That's an amazing story! I'd rather have a week of happiness in my life being my authentic self than a lifetime of being un forfilled and feeling empty. A person may not be able to come out of the closet for whatever reasons but, having peace within yourself is golden.

Members Only

I don't know why nobody has noticed this womans penchant for youth. I am now in my 50's and have had 3 hetrosexual marriages in my adult life. They were not all bad men, but sexually I always wanted something different.

My only sexual experience to date iwth another girl was when I was 12/13, she was my bets friend and we would experiment, initially we were 'practicing' our kissing for when 'boys' came along, as we both dreamt of such things at that age...But somehow I craved her kisses and on many occassions we would rub each other and have intimate caresses, we kiss & suck each others budding breasts, and to this day I can still feel her mouth sucking on mine when I close my eyes. By 15, we each had boyfriends and life moved on for us both. I married early and had my son, this drove my life for many years thereafter. In my mid 30's I had moved to UK from my home country of Russia.

I began a new life with anew husband and all was well I guess. Then one day from out of nowhere I bumped into my old school friend from Moscow. She too had married a foriegn man and moved to UK for a new life. She did not live near me and was simply visiting her husbands family and had come out shopping. We exchanged addresses and were both excited to have met again after so many years. As she was leaving she kissed me full on the lips, not too long to be more than friendly, but long enough for it to be familiar.

I wrote to her and explained that I had never forgotten our youthful intimacies and joked that perhaps we might be much better at things now, and said that I was up for it if she was. The next few months we exhanged several letters and things got really hot sexually until I was aching with desire to rip off her clothes the next time I saw her.

Then the letters stopped, and I never heard from her again. I felt bereft.

My marriage did not last long thereafter as I simply didn't want sex with him anymore and couldn't tell him why.

I was confused and torn sexually & emotionally. I was alone for a few years afte rthat & focused on my career & my son. Then I figured I needed to find security for my future & chose to seek a new husband. Being good looking and

having a good figure it was not difficult to find a nice man, and he is a nice man, technically we are still married, but the relationship is non sexual and has been for 6 years since I decided I didn't want sex with him anymore.

I chose to have sex with Black Men Only for a while, I found this exhilerating at first and noticed that many of the women who were, like me, white & married but had Black Men as sexual 'satifiers' in their lives, had also become or declared themselves as Bi-sexual. It seemed a thing in the white women / Black Men world that a woman didn't want her husband anymore sexually, but found the freedom in 'Going Black' to explore her own sexual needs...so I followed suit and feel liberated to acknowledge what I have known since I first kissed my friend at age 12/13, that I love women just as much if not more than men.

What I regret, is all the wasted years. I now have a preference to women, I still like them young, I guess that is because of my fantasy of loving my best friend at such a young age. Now in my 50's I would love to have one woman, a younger woman, to explore all the things I have missed out on, and to share perhaps the best years of my life in a relationship with her.

Thank you for letting me share, x   

Members Only

I can relate to your story... I always dated guys, but only had "relations" after I got married, mainly because it was expected of me to get married and have kids. My kids and grandchildren are a treasure, but the marriage wasn't all it should've been and after 24yrs, we parted and he left with someone who could give him more. I still denied my sexuality, mainly because of my mother and children and because it still wasn't as accepted.

I haven't come out to Everyone yet, but I hope to meet someone who will make me Shout it to the World!! Friends with benefits no longer works for me, either..........

Members Only

The more I read I am learning I am not alone. I always knew I was gay I just ignored it all my life. I go married had kids.  But couldn't live the lie any longer.  I met someone for a short time. When she kissed me and touched me it all felt so right

Members Only

Hi your storey is much like mine apert from I have never come out and have not had a relationship with a woman .I am wondering if I have left it too late


Members Only

Your story is like mingt with the highschool girlfrined and being in love with her but having to be platonic in actions. I have been in a couple of loving lesbian relationships and some have been ore wonderful than others.  I have teenagers and due to my sons homophobia i am still playing the game.  He is just so judgemental at the age of 19.

Members Only


Your story is really touching!Great that you finally decide to come out of the closet. I wish you all the best on your new way.I am sure you will find somebody soon.